PG-13
Caution. The following email will be disturbing to most people over the age of 13.
Kids under the age of 13 will think it is funny, but please don’t read this while you are eating.
Dirty bottoms. My farm dogs live outside and their purpose is to protect the farm. These are large white dogs with very long hair. With such long hair, they get dirty bottoms. My wife will scold me because of their appearance, so I will try and clean the dirty bottom. I have done worse things but I really can’t remember when. The main problem is these brave dogs are not so brave when you take a hose to their derriere. Consequently, I give up and hope my wife doesn’t go near them.
By the way, the answer to last weeks menu total was $11.13.
1982 doesn’t sound so bad after all.
Apr 1 - 7
My animals have been good this week, my kids have done nothing crazy this week and my employees have been acting normal for a change. Well, somewhat normal. I haven’t had to escort anyone out of the restaurant and I haven’t had to deal with any inspectors. Consequently, I have nothing to write about. Ok, so here goes. Someone recently gave me a copy of my menu from 1982, back when we were Walt’s Family Restaurant. Guess what 1 order of Bacon and Eggs and 1 order of a Ham and Cheese Omelette and a Cheese Burger and Fries along with 2 coffees and an Orange Juice.
Give me a total of what you think everything cost back then with tax, and whoever gets the closest will get to order 2 meals a day for seven days off that menu. Good luck and I am sorry we no longer have T bone steaks.
Mar 25 - 31
It seems I am not as smart as I ever hoped I would be, or apparently, not smart enough to fool my children. When kids are young you hide anything important up high. Things like treats, sharp knives, prescription drugs, and fire starters for a few. However, I continually forget my son is now 10 inches taller than me. For example, the hole in the microwave I wrote about last week I am sure was caused by the fire starter stored on the shelf above the microwave. All the treats are stored on the top shelf that my son looks down at, yet I still hide things up there. I think what I need to do is make a cutout of him and place it in different places around the house to remind me how tall he is, and this would remind me to hide things on the lowest shelf. Of course, when Rory my grandchild comes over to visit and crawls out of the pantry with the fire starter everyone is going to thinks I have lost it.
Mar 18 - 24
The other night I went to use the microwave at home, when I noticed someone had placed the Star Trek emblem on the front panel. Remember the arch Captain Kirk used to have on his uniform. Well this arch was just like that and I was impressed, until I looked closer. It seems someone had melted a hole in the front of the microwave to where it did resemble that famous arch. Ok, how do you melt the front of a microwave? So I asked my son how this cool emblem got there. He of course explained that someone broke into the house and tried to melt the entire microwave but he stopped them in time, and since he saved the microwave and possibly kept the house from burning down I should take him and his sister out for ice cream. You have to admit the boy has talent. Maybe I should have him write these emails.