Apr 22 - 28

As the kids get older they tend to get into less mischief and do less crazy things. Consequently, I have fewer stories to write about. Is that a good thing? I mean most of the time it is good, but on Saturday night when I sit down to write something, I need material, and in the past they provided it to me. Now, I have to think on my own. So, instead, I have decided to have a column where I give advice. I really don’t know much of anything so I should be good at giving advice.  

For instance someone might ask me for parenting advice, and I would have absolutely no advice. Someone else might ask advice about relationships and again I would have absolutely nothing. 

I really need those kids to get into trouble again, don’t I?

Apr 15 - 21

It is a sad day around our household. Usually this time of year I just love my kids so much that I have a difficult time expressing it. But, all things must pass and so it is with a heavy heart, that I have to say my kids are aging out. This means, that they will soon be un-detuctible. In other words I can no longer write the little darling children off of my taxes. I knew this day would come but I just am having such a hard time accepting it. I mean kids are cute, but their real purpose is to lighten our tax load. I just hope one day I can look at them again with love and affection, but I am so afraid I will just break down and cry.

Apr 8 - 14

PG-13
Caution. The following email will be disturbing to most people over the age of 13.
Kids under the age of 13 will think it is funny, but please don’t read this while you are eating.

Dirty bottoms. My farm dogs live outside and their purpose is to protect the farm. These are large white dogs with very long hair.  With such long hair, they get dirty bottoms. My wife will scold me because of their appearance, so I will try and clean the dirty bottom. I have done worse things but I really can’t remember when. The main problem is these brave dogs are not so brave when you take a hose to their derriere. Consequently, I give up and hope my wife doesn’t go near them.

By the way, the answer to last weeks menu total was $11.13.
1982 doesn’t sound so bad after all.

Apr 1 - 7

My animals have been good this week, my kids have done nothing crazy this week and my employees have been acting normal for a change. Well, somewhat normal. I haven’t had to escort anyone out of the restaurant and I haven’t had to deal with any inspectors. Consequently, I have nothing to write about. Ok, so here goes. Someone recently gave me a copy of my menu from 1982, back when we were Walt’s Family Restaurant. Guess what 1 order of Bacon and Eggs and 1 order of a Ham and Cheese Omelette and a Cheese Burger and Fries along with 2 coffees and an Orange Juice. 

Give me a total of what you think everything cost back then with tax, and whoever gets the closest will get to order 2 meals a day for seven days off that menu. Good luck and I am sorry we no longer have T bone steaks.