Jun 17 - 23

It seems I am suffering from a new condition that psychologists have only now brought to light. It is called "Password Dementia”. It is a condition that allows you only to remember your very old passwords but none of the current ones. As you know this can be devastating to leading a normal life. As the servers at work ask me to authorize something I have to run back in the office and hope I wrote the new password down somewhere.  When the different sites allow me to reset my password, they always come back and say I used that one already and I am turned down. In this new world, it is hard to open your car door without a password. I am sure that soon you won’t be able to use the restroom without a password. So my solution is to give all of you my password so that I always have someone to turn to. If only I could remember it...

Did you see the article in the Bee this morning about the statistics of older people?  Well, yours truly prepared an 82-page document in 1978 when I was with the State Health Dept. Mind you I had a lot of people telling me what to do, but back then we didn’t have excel spreadsheets so all 20 spreadsheets were done manually. Fortunately, no one checked my math, and that is probably why I went back into the restaurant business in 1978.

Jun 10 - 16

Electrolysis and Condensation. Separately, these two words have fascinating definitions, together they define a catastrophic mess. There is nothing like walking into your kitchen and seeing a puddle on the table and floor, and then looking up and seeing water dripping from a  large bubble in the ceiling. We had to immediately rip down the ceiling to see what it was, and I wish I knew this was a leaking condensation line but coincidentally this was right under a water heater upstairs. So I go up and rip out the wall in my daughter’s bedroom thinking that is the water line to the water heater. When I see it is the condensation line, I think of every possible alternative other than going up into the attic on a hot semi-summer day. So I go under the house with a compressor and a shop vac to blow and suck out the condensation line. Of course to no avail, because I had heard of electrolysis but I had never in my long life experienced it. So finally, I get the ladder to go up to the attic and there is the biggest hole in a pipe I had ever seen and I felt so dumb, and hot. The moral to the story is, if this happens to you, just put a large potted plant there on the kitchen table.

Jun 3 - 9

Remember when I said that sometimes it is just easier to give in to children’s demands than to do the rational thing. Well in a weak moment I let my son buy a clarinet. This was not a very bright idea. In fact, this rates right up there when I bought him a drum set. We parents have weak moments and my devious children seem to know when to exploit those moments.

It seems that unless you know how to play clarinet it only plays one musical note. One loud, obnoxiously high pitched note, that makes you wish you were wearing Depends.

May 27 - Jun 2

Since the fire, I have had a difficult time taking on big projects. I just can’t seem to spend the time on anything. Even now, I leave my apple trees and grape plants unattended, which in the past would never have happened. Well, now it has gotten worse. I use to brag that I was a Master at matching socks. I once matched 110 pairs of socks. Now it is pointless, I just can’t do it. So I decided to take a second against the house and I will just buy a 1000 pair of matching socks. There, problem solved.