Aug 31 - Sep 6

So folks, I am sorry I didn’t write anything last week. I sometimes wait until the last minute for something crazy to happen so I have something to write about. Well, last week nothing happened, so I had no material. Unfortunately for me, this week, I have material.

So I took Cooper and Phoebe out back so I could water the tomato plants. I made sure that Benny and Jet kept their distance for obvious reasons. Anyway, we got back inside and my wife was watching TV lying on the bed. So the dogs and I all jumped up with her to watch TV. Just then, Phoebe crawled over to my side and started licking my face. She has a very wide tongue and is quite good at cleaning, including faces. After about 15 seconds of this, I smelled an odor I couldn’t quite place because it was out of context, so to speak. Then I realized it was donkey poop. Phoebe must have gotten hold of some on our quick jaunt. So my face was cleaned with donkey excrement. If you would be so kind as to never tell my wife about this, I would appreciate it very much.

I am hoping that next week I have nothing to write about.

Aug 17 - 23

OK, I have two stories.

Have you ever caught a dog smiling?

Well, the other night I was preparing dinner. I had two pieces of salmon I had seasoned and had sitting on the counter. I went to check on something, and when I came back, I found only one piece of salmon left. And this is when I saw Phoebe smiling as she was licking her lips.

OK, I have had this nightmare with AT&T. Apparently, what the guy said in the store was not at all like what my bill said. So when you go into the store to correct a problem, they tell you that you have to call 611. When I call 611, I always get someone from a foreign country. They are always efficient and friendly, but they don't know what happens in the store. Anyway, after hours on the phone, I am ready to go nuts.

So the last time I called, I heard my voice echoing. Everything I said was repeated. But the really strange thing was that my voice had the exact accent of the guy I was talking to. It was like AI was trying to interpret me. I finally told the guy, don't worry, I will gladly pay the bill.

Aug 10 - 16

Don't have much to write about. Yesterday, I was walking the dogs when I got a text that a fire had started about a half mile from our house in a very dry area.

At the same time, a car went by, and Cooper went nuts. So, as we got to our house, Phoebe was all excited and wrapped herself around the mailbox—literally pulling the entire mailbox out of the ground. Now I look up, and two Cal Fire tankers are flying over, along with the sound of about ten sirens going in all directions. So I call my wife and tell her that my hands are kind of tied right now and ask if she can start preparing to evacuate. She says, "What the hell do you want me to do?"

I just explain, "You know, get all our valuables in a bag and maybe some clothes, and, you know, be prepared." She says, "And what about the donkeys?"

Fortunately, except for the mailbox, it all worked out.

Aug 3 - 9

So my wife brought a mirror downstairs to hang somewhere but Phoebe took offense to the new dog in the house.