I think I have uncovered a serious conspiracy theory. We have known all along the Russians have been trying to cause chaos throughout the world. The more chaos they create the better they look. They were involved with Brexit, the Clinton emails and it is now known they are trying to disrupt things in Syria, Venezuela, and I believe here in America. I know you will think I am crazy, but I think they have infiltrated one of our most important American icons. Yes, I think they have somehow gotten control of Girl Scout Cookies. Have you noticed your loved one when they try to eat just one? I believe, and mind you I have no proof, but I think they have added more sugar and butter. Consequently, you cannot stop eating them. Their goal is to make us all so fat we can’t get out of our lounge chairs to mail in the next round of ballots. I know, you all think I have lost it, but just take a box of those wonderful cookies and place it in front of your spouse and try to give them only one and see what happens.
Mar 4 - 10
We husbands are always in a quandary as to what to do. The wife will ask, “How do I look in these pants”? In the old days I would be truthful and suffer the consequences, now however I just say what I am supposed to. “Oh honey, you look good”.
So, when the wife says “don’t you dare buy me any Girl Scout Cookies” we know there will be consequences for either choice we make. As experienced husbands we just go ahead and buy the Girl Scout Cookies and suffer the lesser of the two consequences.
Feb 25 - Mar 3
My wife is out of town for a week and I have the darling children to myself. When this happens and she comes back I am usually in trouble and I cannot ever figure out why. Then I started looking around the house and it came to me. The kitchen table has a bass guitar and a banjo along with about 4 electronic devices with speakers on it. The kitchen counter has an amplifier for the bass guitar and a microphone along with items I can’t describe ( because I don’t know what they are). The dining room table has more electronic devices along with an acoustic guitar and guitar strings spread out all over the table. The bar has two laptops and a skateboard on it. The couch in the family room has another skateboard again with items I am unsure of. The living room coffee table has plates and drinking glasses stacked on it. So tomorrow before she gets home I will buy a bouquet of flowers and hand them to her when she walks in the door and then tell her I have to run. Literally.
Feb 18 - 24
I am old.
On Friday a couple comes in and the guy starts talking to me like he knew me. I know I know him but have absolutely no clue who this guy is. He says he sent me a text he was coming and so I excused myself to run in the back to see who this man was. For a fleeting moment, I thought dementia had suddenly settled in and this was it, folks. My life as a business owner was over. If I could remember where my car was and how to get home I should stop by the pharmacy and get some “Depends". Well, the text explained it. He was my insurance adjuster from the Bay Area and had never been in the finished restaurant before and so I rationalized that was why I did not recognize him. But, when we finally do lose our minds, how will we know? I mean I would like to know. Would my kids tell me, would my wife, my employees? I don’t think any of them would do it, so the logical thing to do is to have customers let me know. So when I finally do lose my mind and if you are the first one to tell me, you will get a free breakfast. However, if you tell me too soon, my uncle Guido might pay you a visit.