Feb 23 - Mar 1

I have been in the coffee shop business for 49 years. In 1977, I went to work for Perko’s as a manager trainee. One of the first things the head waitress (that’s what we called them back then) said was that you always have to wash the honey packets before you give them out because they are always sticky. It seems there is always one packet per case that leaks and then gets the whole case covered with honey.

Present day, they still leak, and the honey packets are all sticky. Now, when you get a ketchup packet, you never see a leaky one. The same goes for mustard packets. So why, after all these years, do honey packets still leak?

I think the government is getting involved. I believe honey users are sweeter than non-honey users and therefore fit into a certain political party. I have no proof of this yet, but I suspect the honey attaches to our DNA and then transmits this information to a certain government branch. I have always noticed an extra router on our front wall, so this must be how they transmit it. What they do with this information—and why—might be related to the new reports about possible aliens among us. Then again, with aliens involved, maybe it’s not political at all, but about the overall sweetness of our population.

Okay, that makes me nervous.

Feb 16 - 22

I live in the country, and in our area there are lots of ponds. Consequently, we have lots and lots of frogs. Funny, I never see one, but at night sometimes it sounds like a thousand frogs croaking.

What I never understand is how all these frogs on all these different properties will croak for so long and then they all stop croaking at exactly the same time. They are not sitting next to each other saying, "hey after our 49 croaks we are all going to stop for 20 seconds."

I mean really how do they all know to stop at the same time? 

This is something that Einstein should have addressed. Honestly, who cares about particle physics. The sequence of frogs croaking could have solved many of our worldly problems. I will present this question to someone at the Berkley Physics Dept and i will get back to all of you hopefully soon.

Feb 9 - 15

I honestly feel that Cooper is my reincarnated ex-wife from a previous life. He gets so upset with me when I hug my wife, and he goes absolutely ballistic when I kiss her.

Whenever I do kiss her, he’ll come over and scratch my leg until I give him attention. There are other times when he just stares at me as if to say, "How come you don't love me anymore?" If I even make a kissing sound, he runs right over. When I sit at dinner with my wife, he sits next to me and, once again, just stares.

When it’s time for dinner, I actually have to hand-feed him, as if he’s thinking, "How dare you feed me dog food?" He always gets fresh chicken, and even then, he lets me know it’s not quite up to his standards.

Right now, I’m sitting at my desk typing, and he is staring at me. Oh my gosh, I hope he doesn't read this. If I go missing, you’ll know why!

Feb 2 - 8

So, a few weeks ago I was working in the garage and I grabbed some globes and starting doing some work. About a minute later I feel a bite on my hand and it hurts. I take off the glove and see nothing. Apparently, there was something there because my hand started to swell up. After a few hours I didn’t feel pain anymore.

Yesterday I am working out back and find some old gloves and so I put them on the ground and I stomp on them to make sure there is nothing inside. About 2 minutes later I feel pain like I never imagined. It was like someone took a needle and ran it all the way down my finger into my arm. I take off the gloves again, and don’t see anything but then I notice the remnants of a black widow nest on the back of the glove. Now I am panicking, my finger is starting to swell up and so I wash it (and of course it was the middle finger) with a garden hose. Again, the pain was unimaginable. I read up and decided, I would be ok, however I did feel wiped out. That night in the middle of the night, I woke up to this pain in my stomach and my knees. I wish I had something funny to say, but I don’t. Ouch.

I want to say farewell to wonderful customer, who passed away on Saturday. He  worked with special needs adults and was just a good person. He went by the nick name Scottie.

Good bye, old friend.