It seems I am not as smart as I ever hoped I would be, or apparently, not smart enough to fool my children. When kids are young you hide anything important up high. Things like treats, sharp knives, prescription drugs, and fire starters for a few. However, I continually forget my son is now 10 inches taller than me. For example, the hole in the microwave I wrote about last week I am sure was caused by the fire starter stored on the shelf above the microwave. All the treats are stored on the top shelf that my son looks down at, yet I still hide things up there. I think what I need to do is make a cutout of him and place it in different places around the house to remind me how tall he is, and this would remind me to hide things on the lowest shelf. Of course, when Rory my grandchild comes over to visit and crawls out of the pantry with the fire starter everyone is going to thinks I have lost it.
Mar 18 - 24
The other night I went to use the microwave at home, when I noticed someone had placed the Star Trek emblem on the front panel. Remember the arch Captain Kirk used to have on his uniform. Well this arch was just like that and I was impressed, until I looked closer. It seems someone had melted a hole in the front of the microwave to where it did resemble that famous arch. Ok, how do you melt the front of a microwave? So I asked my son how this cool emblem got there. He of course explained that someone broke into the house and tried to melt the entire microwave but he stopped them in time, and since he saved the microwave and possibly kept the house from burning down I should take him and his sister out for ice cream. You have to admit the boy has talent. Maybe I should have him write these emails.
Mar 11 - 17
I think I have uncovered a serious conspiracy theory. We have known all along the Russians have been trying to cause chaos throughout the world. The more chaos they create the better they look. They were involved with Brexit, the Clinton emails and it is now known they are trying to disrupt things in Syria, Venezuela, and I believe here in America. I know you will think I am crazy, but I think they have infiltrated one of our most important American icons. Yes, I think they have somehow gotten control of Girl Scout Cookies. Have you noticed your loved one when they try to eat just one? I believe, and mind you I have no proof, but I think they have added more sugar and butter. Consequently, you cannot stop eating them. Their goal is to make us all so fat we can’t get out of our lounge chairs to mail in the next round of ballots. I know, you all think I have lost it, but just take a box of those wonderful cookies and place it in front of your spouse and try to give them only one and see what happens.
Mar 4 - 10
We husbands are always in a quandary as to what to do. The wife will ask, “How do I look in these pants”? In the old days I would be truthful and suffer the consequences, now however I just say what I am supposed to. “Oh honey, you look good”.
So, when the wife says “don’t you dare buy me any Girl Scout Cookies” we know there will be consequences for either choice we make. As experienced husbands we just go ahead and buy the Girl Scout Cookies and suffer the lesser of the two consequences.