Ok, so tonight I had nothing, so I stole this from an email I wrote 9 years ago.
Everyone please have a nice Christmas.
Here is my feeble attempt at my annual Christmas Song:
Hark! I hear the Servers singing
Glory to the Holiday tidings
Chefs preparing the new whipped cream
Placed on cakes and with lots of feeling
Hostesses dancing in the aisles
Bringing lots of friendly smiles
Celebrating Christmas cheer
Bringing in the good New Year
Hark the bussers sing some more
Greeting patrons at the door
Hark! Chris Harold sings a Christmas song
Asking all to sing along
Children bouncing to the rhythm
Parents trying to keep from humming
Coffee pouring right from the pot
Coming out piping hot
Now is the time to dance and cheer
Christmas only comes this time of year.
Hark for family and special friends
Hopefully this season will never end
Dec 13 - 19
Ok, I have a great idea for a patent on a new invention. This all came to me while trying to get Cooper to do his business when I take him outside. A remote-controlled pet catheter. Just think, take your pet outside, and just hit the button. No more waiting for him or her to walk around smelling every little thing. Now it happens when you want it to happen. And there are some other advantages too! Say you don’t like your neighbor, you train the dog to go stand over his shoe and bingo, again you press the button.
What do you think?
Dec 6 - 12
Ok, so those happy pills were making me a little nervous, so I resorted to the wine I made years ago to help me with the back pain. See my wine is so bad that when you drink it, you don’t even notice any pain, and I mean ANY pain.
If I ever offer you my wine, you should have concerns.
Nov 29 - Dec 5
It is important to let your puppy know what is not important to you. See, puppies only destroy things that are important to you, therefore, it is important to take something unimportant to you and let him think it is important. So, you grab a coat hanger and you tell the puppy that this coat hanger was your mother's and that it has been in the family forever, and it means everything to you. Consequently, you try not to ever show favoritism to anything that is important, because if he finds out it will be destroyed.
So the other day, my back was killing me and I was sitting down. At some point I took my glasses off and when I got up I realized I had taken them off but now couldn’t find them. By the way, these are my prescription glasses. I asked everyone at home to keep an eye out for them because I thought I had just misplaced them. Four days go by and I never found them, so I called Kaiser and order another pair at a cost of over $400. Within 2 hours of me ordering them, I go home and let Cooper outside to do his business. We are in the sideyard and he is playing around when all of a sudden he goes over to a pile of leaves and pulls out my glasses and brings them to me.