Apr 7 - 13

Squatters are individuals that live on a property that don’t pay rent, much like our children. However, we have a new squatter. I have told you about Goose, that has now been here 16 days laying on her eggs. This week when I went out to get fire wood she got very upset with me. She even went so far as to fly away and come back and drop stuff over my head. I guess I should be lucky it was just stuff. Anyway I am giving her until the eggs hatch and then the eviction notice.

On the other side of the yard I have a neighbor that is unhappy with me because I ran out of apples. Here is his look.

Mar 31 - Apr 6

I usually will sing a song at a loud pitch to get my kids out of bed. Consequently, my kids think I am a terrible singer. My son even thinks I should get singing lessons. But I know deep down that I could have sung for Puccini.

Well I thought that until I went outside and saw my new tenant the Goose still sitting on her eggs (apparently it takes up to 35 days to hatch her eggs). As soon as I started in on some old Broadway songs, the Goose turned her head towards me and stared. It was not a pleasant stare.

I am not sure if the kids had a conversation with her, or I am just so bad that a goose would stare at me so, but I guess my dreams have been laid to rest by a goose laying her eggs.

Mar 24 - 30

Remember the phrase from the Godfather, “He sleeps with the fishes”.

Well, where does a husband sleep when he inadvertently lets Phoebe the puppy eat the couch. 

Ok, so we have this goose who has set up a nest over my wood pile, right outside our window. She has been there about 4 days, anyway, it looks like she will have company tonight.

Mar 17 - 23

Ok, so I take the dogs for a walk several times a day, and with them being so rambunctious, I can see why some  people can get hurt walking their dogs. So I  have invented the Frank Dog Walking Jacket.              

This jacket has up to 3 attachments that resemble Hula Hoops. One of these circular attaché’s (yes I used the wrong attaché but it fits so well) has a diameter of 4 feet. The dog’s collar is attached to this so you don’t hold a leash. It can just run around wherever it wants. Now the second dog (if there is one) is on a 7 foot diameter attaché, so it has space from the other dog so they can both run whichever way they want. Now to prevent you from falling there is a 2 foot attaché around you for safety. If you have 3 dogs, you can get a 10 foot attaché.

Now if you want to place your order in the next 3 days, I will throw in a complimentary egg.

How can you beat that?