Ok so I had something happen to me that most people would think unlikely, but it IS me. So we have a couple mini horses. These minis are very food conscious. I also have a Great Pyrenees dog, called SoSo, who is also food conscious. So I try to feed them at the same time so SoSo is busy when I try to get the minis in their pen to feed them. Well the other night my timing was not too good. SoSo is actually bigger than the smaller of the two minis. Ok, so I am trying to get the minis in their pen when SoSo runs up and starts barking at the horses. Willy, the smaller of the two flips out and does this spin that knocks me to the ground. So as he is spinning his legs hit me and he falls on me. So now I am lying on the ground with a horse literally sitting on me. Meanwhile, SoSo is barking at both of us. Willy can't seem to get up and I of course I can't get up. For a moment there, I thought this kind of sums up my life. I am stuck on the "ass" end of a situation again.
May 30 - Jun 5
Remember a few years ago when I wrote about FlapJacks in space and offering a discount to aliens (by the way, technically, these would be considered illegal aliens). I have included on the bottom of this page. Well now, new reports are showing numerous unidentified phenomena. One investigation from Malmstrom Air Force Base detailed an incident where a glowing red orb rendered 10 nuclear ICBMs inoperable. So, obviously they are here, and I am sure they are walking among us, so we need to get them on our side, to make all of Russia’s ICBMs inoperable. So, again, I want to offer free flapjacks, waffles, burgers and shakes to any alien who can help us by making the Russians weapons inoperable.
The Old Story
Flapjacks in Space
Now it is projected that there are 10,000,000,000 (10 billion) inhabitable planets in the Universe. Inhabitable, means they can support intelligent life (not that we have any here). Almost all scientists believe with this number of planets out there that there has to be intelligent life, the trouble is trying to locate it. So let's say there is just a million planets out there with intelligent life. Those aliens have to eat, so I believe there is a reasonable chance there is a FlapJacks or even a Country Waffles out there, somewhere. So I have spoken of my secret society that tries to communicate with aliens and so my plan is to continue to try and communicate with these aliens and try and get their business. I have to apologize to all of you, because my ad to them won’t be buy one get one free, it will be buy anything and get one free. After all if they are coming all that way, they deserve a little more. My problem of course is time, since it may take several billion years to reach them, but what the hell.
May 23 - 29
Ok, so you know how prices are going up and sometimes it catches us off guard. Well Saturday we had the annual classic car show in Loomis. Well, we need to set up a food tent outside to serve food because Taylors just can’t handle all the business, but I realized I forgot to bring an ice chest and I think I will just run down the street to the hardware store to pick one up. So, I tell the guy I need a simple ice chest, preferably a Styrofoam one I can just toss after. Well he shows me all these fancy ice chests and I said just give me the cheapest one you have. He goes to ring it up and with tax it is $268.75. I don’t think I need to say anything more. Hopefully they will let me back in the store sometime.
Cooper, by the way, has become the monster dog. I think he has been watching zombie movies and thinks that is the way to act now. He stands on his back 2 feet and lunges at me like he wants my blood. I will have to put the TV back on Nickelodeon.
May 16 - 22
The Chronicles of Cooper
-Told by his Trusty Sidekick
Cooper is never one to back down to a confrontation. A multicolored stand up figure apparently got him riled. There appeared to be some similarities in their appearance and Cooper wasn’t going to be number 2 in the house so he ate the little figure. Unfortunately, he was his mom’s prized possession. One perfect statue of Underdog which his mom had hidden away for 40 years.
Then Cooper had an apparent showdown with a pin cushion. Word’s were said and then an unprovoked attack left the poor cushion pinless. How Cooper managed to not get one of those 40 pins in his jaw is only explainable by his super canine (was going say dog, but after he ate Underdog I thought that inappropriate) powers.
Well, it was finally a dog of a different tail that got him. He had a run in with a fox tail, and in the ensuing confrontation the tail managed to get up his nostrils and Cooper had a fun visit to the ER until 1:00 in the morning. I have now bought him some stuffed animals, that don’t resemble dogs.