The one thing that is consistent about special needs kids is they cannot control their emotions. So, today I asked them to help me in the yard. My neighbor’s 100 foot tree broke in half and fell in our yard during that storm the other night and made a huge mess. Well I was cutting up the tree with a chain saw and the kids were sorting the wood and cleaning up the branches. Well my children are very competitive and even though my son is 6ft 6in tall and a foot taller than my daughter, she thinks they are equal in all regards. So he tells her how strong he is. She says, “well I am strong too”. And he makes the mistake of saying, Yes, but I am even stronger.” OK, so now the world comes to an end. She yells at him and tells him she is strong too, and he can’t stand being yelled at and so he goes ballistic and now I have the two of them going after each other like some big prize fight. I am totally useless at this point because me not being very bright, I try to explain to my daughter that my son is very strong. This of course was the wrong thing to do, and my smarter half was nowhere to be found. I tried everything my simple little mind could think of to resolve this situation, but only seemed to make things worse. Finally my wife arrived and explained to my daughter how unintelligent boys and men were and that of course she was as strong as my son, and reminded her how she should never listen to her father.
Folks, we are going to start serving inside a little. We almost have no choice but we will be very careful. We have added virus killing UV lights to our central air conditioning systems at all three places and I have installed sliding windows at Taylors and have ordered them for Country waffles and Flapjacks. This will give us better air circulation, mind you only if the weather isn’t too cold or hot.
Please be careful folks. We are nearing the final stretch and don’t want to crash on the last turn.
Jan 25 - 31
Ok, these conspiracy theories are getting out of hand so I was thinking of going onto the Waffle Web and starting my own.
Aliens from outer space have been slowly taking the form of human bodies all over the world. They have learned our languages and our mannerisms and are slowly trying to take over the fried chicken take-out business. That is why they came up with COVID-19, because it is good for take-out businesses. Also, they hate chickens, because where they come from chickens ruthlessly rule their planet and eat their friends. So where does it leave us who serve flapjacks and waffles? I don’t know, but their fried chicken is really good, so I think we should just stop selling chicken strips and let it go at that. However, if you see someone dressed up like a chicken, I would stay clear, it may not be a costume.
Jan 18 - 24
Do you realize all the advances we have made (outside of saving people from the virus) concerning phones, tv’s and electronics, and yet we still have the same old tube of toothpaste. I mean come on, in my lifetime I went from a computer the size of a house to one that will fit in your pocket, and yet we still have the same tube that has to be squeezed just right to come out the top. The problem is each person in the family seems to have a different way of extracting the blue solution, and whenever I get to it, I seem to have to start all over again. I think that if you talked to divorce lawyers, you would see that this subject could be the cause of a large number of separations. I think we should take the paste and put it in a squeezable ketchup bottle and move on.
Folks, remember last fall when they had made all this progress on the virus and they said the death rate was falling dramatically. What the hell happened? Things are just crazy and with the vaccine distribution at a complete mess, I am just nervous how long it will be when things get close to normal. Not normal, just close to normal. In the meantime please be safe, and don’t go stealing my ketchup bottles.
Jan 11 - 17
So I had this dream last night that rioters were attacking the restaurant. Apparently, it was 2008 and Arnold Schwarzenegger was the governor of California. It appears that I made a joke about his acting career on one of my posts and the Austrian version of the proud boys were coming to break in the
restaurant. I looked out into the parking lot and all you could see were guys with trucks and beards and llamas of all things, planning their conquest. I tried putting out a new post telling everyone that Kindergarten Cop was my favorite movie of all time, but it seemed to just make them angrier. Well now
they all started marching towards the windows. So I did the only thing I could. I lied and told my meanest waitress that their leader was the guy who left her a bad comment and then only left her a penny for a tip last time he was in. She ran out and confronted him and it wasn’t pretty. I can’t say what she did, but when he crawled away, everyone followed him.
Folks, I spent almost 5 hours on the phone yesterday trying to clear a mistake on my application for a Cal Grant. When the woman finally answered the phone, I sounded like someone who had been on a deserted island for years and had not seen another human. I was so surprised that I stuttered, but she
helped me and maybe I will get some money. We will survive this, but man, running a business right now is just a lot of fun.
Oh, my wife and I are getting vaccinated on Monday. Since we are the caretakers of our special needs kids, we got moved up. I feel like I won the lottery. If I have any strange side effects, like the time I smelled apple pie wherever I went, I will let you know.
Stay safe everyone.