The following has been edited by ChatGPT:
Fifteen years ago, we moved to the country and got three acres. Something I had always wanted was my own orchard. I grew up in Grass Valley surrounded by fruit trees, so I thought, Now I can do the same.
So, I planted 100 fruit trees—every type of fruit imaginable. Eight different kinds of apples and peaches, so I’d have fresh fruit all the time. It was a great idea—except for one problem: we live in the country, which means we have about a million fruit thieves.
I’ll have hundreds of plums on a tree, but by the time they’re even close to ripe, they’re gone. I’ve tried everything and just can’t seem to win.
Last week, I spotted one lonely pluot, high up on a tree. I got a ladder and retrieved it. This was a gorgeous piece of fruit—until I turned it over and saw that the entire back side had been chewed away. To hell with it, I thought. I’ll just eat the other side. You can see where this is going.
On Tuesday, I felt really tired. Wednesday, I developed a fever. By Thursday, I was feeling awful, but I still thought it was just the flu. By Friday morning, it was clear I had some sort of infection.
I called Kaiser for antibiotics, but they told me I had to go to the ER. Off I went, where they tested me for everything—except a stool test. They sent me home and told me to bring in a sample the next day.
Proudly, I returned to the lab—only to be told I had failed because I’d put it in the wrong pouch. Ten hours later, I brought it back in the right container.
Sunday, I got the results: Salmonella. I thought, “well, at least they found something.” But it occurred to me that if those little buggers had just washed their hands, this never would have happened.
So, on Monday, I put up signs in the orchard that said “Wash Your Hands” with little bottles of sanitizer scattered around. A little education never hurts.
Folks, as of the end of this month, FlapJacks will be opening back up for dinner on Friday and Saturday nights. When I sold Sunrise, the new owner laid off much of my crew, so I’m trying to find them some extra hours.
Like before, we’ll feature different specials each week along with our regular menu items.
I’ll keep you posted.
