Mar 18 - 24

The other night I went to use the microwave at home, when I noticed someone had placed the Star Trek emblem on the front panel. Remember the arch Captain Kirk used to have on his uniform. Well this arch was just like that and I was impressed, until I looked closer.  It seems someone had melted a hole in the front of the microwave to where it did resemble that famous arch. Ok, how do you melt the front of a microwave? So I asked my son how this cool emblem got there. He of course explained that someone broke into the house and tried to melt the entire microwave but he stopped them in time, and since he saved the microwave and possibly kept the house from burning down I should take him and his sister out for ice cream. You have to admit the boy has talent. Maybe I should have him write these emails.

Mar 11 - 17

I think I have uncovered a serious conspiracy theory. We have known all along the Russians have been trying to cause chaos throughout the world. The more chaos they create the better they look. They were involved with Brexit, the Clinton emails and it is now known they are trying to disrupt things in Syria, Venezuela, and I believe here in America. I know you will think I am crazy, but I think they have infiltrated one of our most important American icons. Yes, I think they have somehow gotten control of Girl Scout Cookies. Have you noticed your loved one when they try to eat just one? I believe, and mind you I have no proof, but I think they have added more sugar and butter. Consequently, you cannot stop eating them. Their goal is to make us all so fat we can’t get out of our lounge chairs to mail in the next round of ballots. I know, you all think I have lost it, but just take a box of those wonderful cookies and place it in front of your spouse and try to give them only one and see what happens.

Mar 4 - 10

We husbands are always in a quandary as to what to do. The wife will ask, “How do I look in these pants”?  In the old days I would be truthful and suffer the consequences, now however I just say what I am supposed to. “Oh honey, you look good”. 

So, when the wife says “don’t you dare buy me any Girl Scout Cookies” we know there will be consequences for either choice we make. As experienced husbands we just go ahead and buy the Girl Scout Cookies and suffer the lesser of the two consequences.

Feb 25 - Mar 3

My wife is out of town for a week and I have the darling children to myself. When this happens and she comes back I am usually in trouble and I cannot ever figure out why. Then I started looking around the house and it came to me. The kitchen table has a bass guitar and a banjo along with about 4 electronic devices with speakers on it. The kitchen counter has an amplifier for the bass guitar and a microphone along with items I can’t describe ( because I don’t know what they are). The dining room table has more electronic devices along with an acoustic guitar and guitar strings spread out all over the table. The bar has two laptops and a skateboard on it. The couch in the family room has another skateboard again with items I am unsure of. The living room coffee table has plates and drinking glasses stacked on it. So tomorrow before she gets home I will buy a bouquet of flowers and hand them to her when she walks in the door and then tell her I have to run. Literally.